My Tealpower

As you know by now, my best friend Alison passed away in 2015 from cervical cancer. To date, it’s the blurriest time in my life. It feels like those last few months - when I really clued into what was happening – were all about making memories. I remember visiting her in the hospital and not wanting to leave even though she looked so tired. Her family didn’t have the heart to suggest I go so she could rest. I hope that’s because they saw the love I had for her. I simply couldn’t think about a world without her. 

My favourite photo of us.

Teal and white are the official colours of Cervical Cancer and to honour that, Alison started a blog called Tealpower Canuck to talk about her experience. Her brother, Neil found teal and white bracelets and had TEALPOWER printed on them. We sold them to raise money and awareness. She was so proud of that campaign. I think it was something for us all to hold on to, something to distract us from the unknown. We asked all of her friends and family to send a video with them wearing a bracelet to show support and Neil put together a compilation video. She was overwhelmed by seeing all the people whose lives she touched tell her, with one simple message, how much they cared about her. We were like a big giant circle that surrounded her with love. I tear up now just thinking about it, or see for yourself below.

To me, the bracelet became a symbol that represented her spirit and determination to fight. Before this, when people asked me about my favourite colour, I never really had one. But now, there was only one colour in the rainbow for me.

When Alison passed, I was in the Costa Rica. I almost didn’t go, but it was Jim’s 40th birthday and we had planned it for months. It was only because she ordered me that I went. We both knew the time had come to say goodbye. It took me at least 10 minutes to leave the room that day. Much like in the hospital she was tired but I couldn’t let go of her hand. We didn’t have to say much. By the time I took the five steps to get me to the door, I turned around to look at her one more time and she had already closed her eyes to rest. She had given me her attention and her very best right until the end. 

The day after she passed away, I walked on the beach. I felt oddly calm. It was a beautiful day, so I posed for a photo in a very Alison like-way. A homage, so to speak. She LOVED a jump photo, so I did one especially for her. When I posted it, someone wrote under it, “Celebrate Life” and that was indeed the idea. 

I made a promise that I would never, ever not wear my tealpower bracelet. For me, it was something that made me feel closer to her. Most days I take a moment to reflect, even briefly by looking at it. But on the days where life gets busy and I don’t, at least know it’s on my body. Wearing it feels like she’s holding my hand through all of life’s ups and downs.

After she passed, I became obsessed with finding other teal items. 

I have a tank top that is a perfect teal. It’s a weird cut and not super flattering, but it’s in my closet and I know I can never part with it. Even though I hardly wear it, it still gives me joy which means I can keep it according to Marie Kondo.

My army of teal nail polish. When all you can find is Hermes, you cough up the cash for the perfect shade of teal.

I began looking for teal nail polish, which has now become my staple. I now only wear teal. And when I’m at a fancier event and I remove my tealpower bracelet, my nails must be teal. If not, the bracelet stays put. It physically feels strange if I don’t have it on my body.

Suki Doll on Canada’s Drag Race. Photo by: Aleksandar Antonijevic

A few years ago, while working on Season 2 of Canada’s Drag Race, I received some shocking news. Not bad shocking, but take-your-breath-away for a minute shocking where I needed to take a few minutes to gain my composure. As I was composing myself, I was called to set to watch a photo shoot with our queens. I took a deep breath, walked around the corner and saw one of our queens, Suki Doll in the most beautiful teal dress. Not close-to-teal colour, but the textbook shade of teal. To this day, I believe that was Alison giving me a sign that everything would be ok. 

January is Cervical Cancer Awareness Month which means teal and white are extra prevalent. In January my ADPR logo turns to teal on my invoices and proposals. I post facts about cervical cancer, and I always write about Alison to keep her memory alive. There is a reason when I post about her, I always get more likes and comments. She was a force. She was beloved. She was someone so many people adored. 

I learned a lot from my GF over the years: how to build relationships with media, how to put together the perfect seafood platter, how to live life to the fullest. But most importantly, I learned to never take my health for granted - mental and physical. That you have to be your own advocate because no one else will do it for you. The health care system can be overwhelming and scary but through encouragement and dialogue, we can all take care of ourselves and one another.

May you all find the tealpower within you. I know I’ve certainly found mine.